Touching from a distance, further all the time

It's out of control.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Why must my life be a neverending lyric?

Hold on slow down again from the top now and tell me everything
I know I've been gone for what seems like forever
But I'm here now waiting
To convince you that I'm not a ghost or a stranger
But closer than you think
She said, "just go on to what you
Pretend is your life but
Please don't die on me"

Wings won't take me
Heights don't phase me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step

Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong
I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall

Perpetual motion the image won't focus
A blur is all that's seen
But here in this moment like the eye of the storm
It all came clear to me
I found a shoulder to lean on
An infallible reason to live all by itself
I took one last look from the heights that I once loved
And then I ran like hell

Wings won't take me
Heights don't phase me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step

Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong
I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall

--- Rise Against


I don't know if I'm just looking for fucking coincidences now, but nearly every song I've listened to this summer, recent or old, seems to be mirroring this life that I've been half-living for the past few months.
The scary thing is...most of these songs sound like positive love letters promising my soul until the very end, which has rapidly approached me too many times to count.
So thank you, Rise Against, for giving me a moment of plain, cold realisation.
I don't know if this song, or any of the others for that matter, was written with my type of dilemmas in mind or not. Most likely not, because I doubt every musicians is plagued with as much bullshit. At least I hope not, or future uplifting lyrics are doomed as we know it.
Nevertheless, I'm starting to rethink everything that I once viewed as my sole source of happiness. Not only for myself, but for that one person whom I love so deeply that it rips me even more to think of the disappointment I clearly have caused them.

It might be the absence of euphoria in me right now, but I'm really thinking of actually doing something logical to stop this fucking chaos now.

Or at least distract myself from it...



I count the times that I've been sorry
I know, I know
Now my compassion slowly drowns
I know, I know
If there's a time these walls could guard you
I know, I know
Then let that time be right now