I really don't care who knows anymore.

I am nothing without stimulants.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
I can't live without them, I can't breathe without them, and I can't find a point in continuing on in this fucked up full-of-shit life of mine without them.
I need them more than life itself and I want them more than anything I could ever imagine.
It's been days since my last hit, and no matter how fucking superb I usually am at hiding it, I just want to fucking slice my heart out with every sober second that passes.
If I don't experience any sort of chemical high by tomorrow, especially by the time at which I am supposed to see my father (which, according to Aunt Beadee, will probably be "the last." Thanks for restoring my hope, B) then I swear I will fucking end it all in an instant.
Nothing is worth it, and hasn't been for ages. Chino is the one thing that keeps me going, and I'd rather die than spend anymore time without it to comfort me and give me a reason to keep going.
Don't dare try to say a word to me about it either, because while some people use Zoloft and other bullshit prescriptions to ease them out of their undying mental anguish, I self-medicate with substances that have never failed to disappoint.
Besides, this isn't any different or anymore harmful than alcohol, which nobody ever says a damned thing about so just fuck off and let me fucking live.
I realise that certain extremely fucking important people in my life (Yakimaniacs, you know who you are) refuse to accept such usage, but please, give me something to work with. I can't stand a thought in my head unless I am high, and this is the only thing that has ever helped suppress my suicide attempts, self-injury, bulimia, and depression.
I can't even bring myself to get out of bed in the morning when I'm in my true state of mind and it fucking kills me in every definition of the term.
I'd rather spend the rest of my life addicted to euphoria than locked up, rotting away, or six feet under.
I'm not a threat to anyone but myself, and trust me, I am not looking to share or try to get others hooked. I fucking hate how many people ask for tastes, so I'm sure as hell not about to go around forcing people into it. I just want that much to be clear.
And for those who ask for hits everyday, please try to ease up as this is my only means of contentment. I need as much of my own fucking supply as I can in order to keep me from dying.
If you don't understand, then I won't force you, and I don't blame anyone if they never want to associate with me again.
I just wanted this much to be known.
I don't do it because it's cool; in fact I find it rather trashy.
I don't do it as a diet; I'm trying to diminish my eating disorders.
I don't do it to be flashy; I'd rather not be seen as some rich snob.
I do it because I need it, because my life depends on it, and because it's the only way I can feel at all accepted and not just fucking hated by everyone around me, especially myself.
I'm so sorry.